I’ve struggled with a lot of things over the past month.
I’ve had a hard time with what I felt versus what I thought I should feel. It tugged at my heart and my head, fighting the balance of life that I couldn’t achieve. Every time and place I hoped for peace, I couldn’t find it because of the restrictions that were placed on me. By myself.
Truth be told, I’ve done a huge disservice to myself.
I’ve held myself back.
I’ve told myself what I should feel.
And ignored what I really felt.
In the end, I just let myself down.
And today? I decided it was enough. I’m tired of making excuses for me. And making myself believe that I should be, or should feel, something I’m not. It won’t happen over night. It won’t happen in a week, or even a month. But I’m going to stop feeling guilty, or wrong, or totally broken starting today.
So in honor of that, here’s what I’m letting go of starting now.
It’s okay that most days I work in my pajamas – I like being comfortable.
It’s okay that today, I’m fully utilizing our free HBO instead of working my butt off today – tomorrow will be different.
It’s okay that I don’t feel like blogging as much as I used to – I know it’s only temporary.
It’s okay if I don’t feel as creative right now – I need to wait for it to return and not force it.
It’s okay that I didn’t have as much Christmas spirit as usual this year – next year will be better.
It’s okay that my house never looks like it’s out of a magazine – I’m human, and share it with my wonderful family.
It’s okay that I’m behind on editing pictures and talking about the trip – it’ll wait for me.
It’s okay that I’ve been feeling a bit unlike myself – I need to take a breather and just be for a bit.