I’ve struggled with a lot of things over the past month.
I’ve had a hard time with what I felt versus what I thought I should feel. It tugged at my heart and my head, fighting the balance of life that I couldn’t achieve. Every time and place I hoped for peace, I couldn’t find it because of the restrictions that were placed on me. By myself.
Truth be told, I’ve done a huge disservice to myself.
I’ve held myself back.
I’ve told myself what I should feel.
And ignored what I really felt.
In the end, I just let myself down.
And today? I decided it was enough. I’m tired of making excuses for me. And making myself believe that I should be, or should feel, something I’m not. It won’t happen over night. It won’t happen in a week, or even a month. But I’m going to stop feeling guilty, or wrong, or totally broken starting today.
So in honor of that, here’s what I’m letting go of starting now.
It’s okay that most days I work in my pajamas – I like being comfortable.
It’s okay that today, I’m fully utilizing our free HBO instead of working my butt off today – tomorrow will be different.
It’s okay that I don’t feel like blogging as much as I used to – I know it’s only temporary.
It’s okay if I don’t feel as creative right now – I need to wait for it to return and not force it.
It’s okay that I didn’t have as much Christmas spirit as usual this year – next year will be better.
It’s okay that my house never looks like it’s out of a magazine – I’m human, and share it with my wonderful family.
It’s okay that I’m behind on editing pictures and talking about the trip – it’ll wait for me.
It’s okay that I’ve been feeling a bit unlike myself – I need to take a breather and just be for a bit.
ah, I know how easy it is to beat yourself up & I think you hit the nail on the head with this. Not being totally inspired & productive is always temporary, and taking a break seems to always make things better :)
Yes to the above. And yet, it's so easy, even when you KNOW this, to keep beating yourself up over it and listening to the "should's" instead of the "am's". Good job on turning on HBO instead :-)
LOVE YOU!!!
I admire your ability to write truth. Blessings come when we can give ourselves the gift of grace…
and I can hear the blessings rushing your way!
xo
Andee
Love this. It's so easy to beat yourself up over absolutely nothing…but there's clearly no need! You know what you're doing and you'll get into a better spot soon :)
it is honestly okay.. because if it's not I am in trouble.
I've been in a funk lately. I'm hoping it will end. I know this is just part of the roller coaster called life. I just hope my mood turns up for the better.
I hope you find yourself some where as well… I know we are out there :)
Sometimes I feel like this too. It's hard when everyone in the blogging community seems to have a perfect life. With clean houses and clothes. It'll get better! Don't force it lovely lady! xo, rv
http://aneclecticheap.blogspot.com/
It REALLY is ok. We all have moments, days, weeks, etc that we just feel off. It's part of life and part of growth. You're doing fine! And there's no need to stress yourself out over the little things. You'll be back to your old self again when you're ready. Don't force it. :)
Digger
It’s TOTALLY ok. Do what you want, not what you think others want you to do.
Everybody gets in a slump at some point and I think it's just the mind's way of saying.."hey, take it easy on me". I too have learned to say it's OK.
The joy is in the journey… well done in feeling the moment.
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yes it is ok!!!
let go of your bag of shoulds :))
It's totally ok!!! Love ya miss! xxx
P.S. Did you get my card?
It IS okay, and thanks for reminding us all of that, too!
what a open an honest post, thank you for sharing. its comforting to know that your not alone, as sometimes { a lot of the time} i feel the same… you are a true inspiration……
Sending a big HUG your way
Claie xox
LOVE THIS! It is definitely okay! Just live life each minute at a time! Embrace it. Do what you love & what you want, when you want to do it! love you!! xoxo
Feelings are never wrong by itself. Just let it be. But I guess you are already making great progress. Sometimes it is hard to match the image of our 'perfect-selves' with out 'real-selves', but only if we do we can be happy. Relax and enjoy, you will be fine!
Congrats! Just be you! I am thinking of you and just wanted to pop in to see what you are up to these days. I had to stop blogging, personal reasons, ugh!!!!
Your blog has always been one of my favorites! You are always so honest and don’t be TOO hard on yourself. Enjoy that HBO and snuggle in your pjs!
cherie
[...] Ashley’s post on true feelings versus should-be-feelings [...]
I love this post so so much!! It really speaks to me and I understand those feelings. when I was going to therapy, my counselor said that the word "should" is a bad word and just creates constant guilt. Instead of thinking what I should do, I need to think what I am going to do or what I am not going to do and find peace with it instead of beating myself up with should.
Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone, Megan. <3
I love this post because I understand what you're feeling so much! Thank you for sharing your experience because I think it really helps others (myself definitely included!) recognize that they aren't alone in feeling similar sometimes. I know you'll bounce back from your down time, but for now I hope you are enjoying it!! I'm jealous of the free HBO and totally wish I was in my pajamas right now!! ;) Have fun!
it's okay, and you know, you will be too soon. and if not? as long as your trying, or getting help, that's okay too. i think sometimes we all get a bit depressed after the holidays…i know i certainly do. a big hug from the mitten to you! hope all is better(atleastalittle) now that you've shared. it helps a lot. :)
[...] Ashley’s post on true feelings versus should-be-feelings [...]