Archives for December 4, 2012

Endless

When I start blogging – really blogging, with some sort of intention and without the intensity of my high school rebellion – I did it for two reasons. Two reasons that centered around the core of my very being. A search for friendship and a need to share. Like-minded people were who I sought out and ached to be surrounded by. I had a need and this?This was my fulfillment.

I tugged at my soul and pleaded for the serenity to share my story, yearning for the ability to break down my walls long enough to write it down. My constant tug of war left bits and pieces of my life imprinted on my blog for all eyes to see, but no one has won the battle yet. I give and then take, never equally. Never constantly. Always the uphill battle that knocked me on my ass just when I thought I was getting ahead.

I never saw how blogging changed me. I never saw the endless ideas it presented with each and every blog post. It corrupted my thinking. It broadened my horizons. It altered my senses and challenged my beliefs. It did this without a thought, without permission and without even an ounce of understanding.

Everywhere I turn, there’s someone new I could meet. Somewhere else I wish I could be. Someone else’s life I wish I could live – even just for mere fleeting moments to experience their world. There’s new careers I never even knew existed, new places I never thought I’d see even in photographs, new people that live lives I only daydreamed about. Endless moments, endless culture, endless satisfaction.

It opened up a world of ideas and granted me access to all of the knowledge in the world. But what for? What is this journey? Is it the road to self-fulfillment?My gut tells me otherwise.

It’s a mere stepping stone. A single piece of an endless puzzle. A way to figure out how the rest of the puzzle pieces fit together. Because when  I was younger, I never dreamed of being a blogger. I had no idea that was even a role I could fit in – because I didn’t even know it existed. Instead I would dream of being a writer. An artist. A student. A believer. I got lost in daydreams of creativity and innovative sorrow, seeking out solitude to express my inner visions.

In the end . . . it led me here, to a haphazard community that can be equally as positive as it is negative at times – a place that can fuel that need for inspiration on a daily, even hourly, basis where I’m surrounded by people who ache to leave a similar mark on the world we all live in. And yet also a place that has yet to completely fulfill me.

And while I have no intention of leaving this community or this blog behind, I also have no intentions of this blog being what I’m meant to become. My stories and the snippets of my life should be reflected in my writing here while I pave the way for my dreams to be my reality. My writing should hold true to those core beliefs instead of transforming them to adjust to the current destination I’m at in my journey. I haven’t found my buried treasure yet, but that doesn’t mean I should – or that I will – give up my search and settle for the remnants of a battered life that’s two dreams short of fulfillment.

Oh Christmas Tree

Since we’ll be in Florida for Christmas this year, we’re not decorating the house and I’ve been pretty bummed about it. One of my favorite things to do this time of year is to put the tree up, put on the lights, and strategically hang our ridiculous ornaments on it in ways that our dogs can’t eat them and our cat doesn’t bat them down. It’s left me feeling a little Grinch-like so I’ve been living vicariously through everyone else’s decor while I remind myself that not putting up any decor during December means not having to put any decor away in January. Here’s some of my favorite finds on Etsy –

Driftwood Christmas Tree

Retro Station Wagon with Christmas Tree - Letterpress Holiday Cards (set of 8)

Christmas Trees - Hymnal Music, Set of 3

Christmas Trees Burlap  and Lace Rustic Country Home Handmade Christmas Decor

Personalized Christmas Ornament Engraved Wood State with Initials Our First Christmas Rustic Home Decor Gift READY TO SHIP

Personalized Christmas Ornaments/Custom Children's Gift-Button and Linen Embroidery Hoops by clementine jayne on etsy

From Santa Kraft Tags - Set of 10 on Red or Green Bakers Twine - Christmas Gift Tags

Mr & Mrs Linen Christmas Stockings, Handmade Christmas Stocking, Personalized

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do you decorate for Christmas?

if so, just a tree or the whole shebang with lights galore?