Over the weekend, I ended up with a rather large scratch over my eyelid and cheekbone from our pup. It’s not the first – and definitely not the last time – she’s left a mark on me from her overly excited playing, but it was the first one on my face. And after the pain and tears subsided, my initial thought was
what will people think when I go out in public?
And that simple idea struck a chord within me, making me question if I was truly living the right life if that thought laid on my shoulders. Did it matter what they thought? Did it matter if, or when, I were to be judged? Did it matter if they assumed something completely false and drew conclusions about me based off of this simple temporary mark?
The easy answer is no, but my actions reminded me I felt differently. I internally battled the task of covering it with make-up, silently running through the contents of my make-up holder, wondering if I had enough creams to cover it up when we ran our errands later in the day. I thought about having Nathan run all of our errands while I sat, and most likely pouted, at home.
Ridiculous things ran through my head when I should have been grateful I was wearing glasses or that I was able to close my eye in time to shield it. Vanity encompassed me. I felt shallow and saddened by my need for a stranger’s approval. I was disappointed in myself.
In the end, mascara was the only thing I put on that day in a mere effort to push myself to stand up for what I should believe in. And by the time we came home, I realized I felt more at ease in my own skin than I ever had. I had accepted myself and that was all that I needed to shed my need for acceptance from those I don’t even know.
Despite the fact that it’s still there and still healing, leaving a dull ache where it lays – I’m glad it happened. I’m sure it didn’t cure me of my vain thinking, but it did remind me to seek out acceptance within myself – not within others.
I choose solitude over social scenes. Tea and wine over soda and beer. Simplicities over complexities. And chocolate over all of those things any day.
You are awesome. Thank you for sharing. That is all :)
Thank you, Kristine! :)
I find scars, scratches, etc. tell a story and that’s all that really matters in my opinion. I have a very noticeable scar on my upper left arm that’s visible almost all the time from my big dog King, who I had when I was a little girl. He didn’t mean to bite me, but he did and I took a while healing. It’s a part of me. I have scars from self harm, which I hate because of why they are there, but they are a part of me – a reminded of what NOT to do. The list goes on.
When I was 18 and Jen and I were getting ready to leave for Halls Crossing, our first job, we took our big baby kitty Salem – who sadly has passed away – into a pet store. He didn’t like the strangers and slashed me across the neck. Just enough to leave a big, bloody scratch. When we arrived to our new job, various people gave me weird looks but I didn’t really care. We made friends with another young couple quickly and I told them what happened, Alex (one of the friends) said if anyone asked, to tell them it was from a wild night of… love. ;) I choked so hard laughing! Remember, if someone makes YOU feel uncomfortable, you can do the same right back. :P
I find scars, scratches, etc. tell a story and that’s all that really matters in my opinion. I love that thought. I have so many scars – small ones that no one ever notices – that remind me of certain things or moments in my life. And good or bad, they’ve become a part of me.
And you are SO right about making them feel uncomfortable, too.
It’s currently my time of the month and I always break out… I’ve got a zit right between my eyes, one on the line of my bottom lip and another on my chin. And it sucks. All day today I felt so insecure about how I looked.
Then my boyfriend came in today before work to get something to eat and told me I looked beautiful. Totally made my day. And made me realized that I need to not worry so much about a few little breakouts. There’s way more to life.
It’s always interesting how much marks on our faces can bring our vane feelings and esp feelings of self-consciousness wondering what other people would think. i actually remember after breaking my ankle (on one side) and tearing ligaments on the other and being bed ridden for months a friend said it was sad i wouldn’t be able to wear capris (it was 2002 haha) because of the awful scars on each side. i think i actually was embarrassed for a bit and only wore pants, but now of course the scars have lightened and I actually enjoy showing people. so that was a side tangent but i am def glad to hear no harm was done to your eye; thanks for sharing this was a great post!
Great post! Definitely something to think about. I’m glad you were able to feel more comfortable in your own skin. :)
I recently attended a Twitter training, and the presenter started off by pointing out a (barely visible anymore) black eye and telling us a hilarious story–she was tweeting in bed and dropped her iPad on her face. She had the same concerns with going out in public, especially because if she were walking with her husband, people would give him dirty looks! I have pups who gave me multiple scratches like this while growing up, and though it can be hard to wear them with pride, at least you will have the joy that comes from playing with such a goofy, energetic pal.