Growth always seems to find me when I’m sure I know how things will go. I get some idea in my head about how things will be or how they’ll turn out and then the growth comes. It sneaks up on me, shaping me and what I believe in or hope for.
The past two+ months have been anything but predictable for me, for our business, and for our family. My business goals changed dramatically, our marriage has shifted into a much more understanding state, and my ovaries have gone into overdrive. On top of all of that, I’ve watched things slip away without much thought while I started missing things that I had no concept of how much they meant to me. Life has shifted in ways I never even thought possible and I’m struggling to keep up.
I’d call it a quarter-life crisis, but it doesn’t feel crisis-like. It just feels like a new beginning. Like I’m stepping into a version of myself – like a new, improved shell of myself – and finding new things that I never knew existed. And realizing that some of the things I deemed to be really important about my core self aren’t really that important after all.
I wish I had the words as I processed all of it, but I don’t. I’m speechless and even a little lackluster in the creative department because of it. It’s frustrating because, well – who wouldn’t want to make such a massive development sound poetic and inspirational? I’m pretty sure the answer is no one because it would be awesome if it had some sort of meaningful message that said I was doing tons of amazing things (even if only in my mind) while this blog went somewhat silent and my life felt completely disjointed.
But it doesn’t have that meaningful message. And it’s really not all that poetic. It doesn’t really have any meaning other than it’s just a phase that I’m pushing really hard to get out of because I’m pretty sure the other side of this tunnel is going to be really legendary when I find it. And I’m totally ready for it.