My Own Wonderland

May 14, 2013 by

Brandon Christopher Warren / Foter.com / CC BY-NC

How is your week so far?

I’ve got vacation brain to the max. Every thing I do somehow feels like it relates to our trip, even if there’s nothing that easily links the two. Cleaning the cat litter box? Hooray – I won’t have to do it next week! Answering emails? I’ll be emailing photos of NYC and DC next week! Driving in the car? I’ll be taking the subway next week!

Endless.

And ridiculous.

But it just reminds me of why this trip is the perfect thing for me.

Maybe it’s just me – it sure as hell feels like it’s just me – but I have the urge to do something new all the time. And by all the time, I literally mean all the time. Every week, every day, every waking hour. New book, new song, new movie, new food, new place, new experience?

Can’t get there fast enough.

When I say it out-loud or even type it out, guilt creeps in. Fast and ongoing. I start to question my motives, my hopes, and my dreams. Is anything ever good enough for me? Does anything last long enough to keep my interest for more than a few hours? Am I just not appreciating what I have in life?

Deep down, I know none of this is true. I know that things are good enough for me, and that things can last long enough to keep my interest for more than a few hours, and I truly do appreciate the things in my life. But I still want more.

I’ve spent years apologizing for this trait of mine. One that is most likely one of the key traits that define me. I’ve apologized for wanting more, dreaming more, and needing more to feel at peace. I’ve apologize for my actions, ideas, and thoughts. Not because I truly felt as if I were doing something wrong, but because I felt like I was breaking the rules by being this way.

Our society has made it seem as if what I’m doing, wanting, and needing is unacceptable. It’s greedy, selfish, and impolite. Yet none of those feelings resonate with me when I’m awaiting my next big adventure. These actions aren’t fueled by the need for more from anyone or anything – they’re fueled by a want to immerse myself in life.

I have a thirst for living. How is that negative? How is a want to experience everything that life has to offer reflected in such poor lighting? And why is being willing to die trying such a

I aim to live with no regrets. Not because I never dig deep enough in life to regret something, but because I want to make mistakes that allow me to grow. I want to take risks because I want to reap the rewards. I want to try something new just because I want to say I did it – even if I end up hating it.

Because at the end of the day, I’m terrified of dying.

Not because of what happens next or even being gone. But because the idea of taking my last breath and thinking about the things I missed out on weighs heavy on me. Really heavy. Heavy enough that it’s always there, every single day, reminding me to dream just a bit bigger and go just a bit farther because there may be something truly amazing that’s currently just out of my reach.

And I think it’s my turn to experience those things that are just out of my reach instead of saying “maybe some day, when someone else isn’t around to judge my actions.” I think it’s my turn to say I’m done with the apologies. I’m done with the guilt for wanting to experience things and the frustration that stems from not fulfilling a core need of my own. I’m done with the emptiness that sits in my soul while I wait to find the perfect timing for someone to approve of my life’s choices. I’m done with waiting for my own version of Wonderland when it’s truly just waiting outside of my doors.

I’m using this trip to embrace myself, my life, and everything is has to offer. And I know I’m going to come back a better version of myself because there’s no better way to boost your inner self’s confidence than to surround yourself in things you thrive on with the person you love more than anything in the world for ten days.

Happy Tuesday, friends. :)

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Filed Under: inspiration, life, travels

Overstimulated

May 9, 2013 by

Yesterday I went shopping.

I’m sure 99% of you are probably thinking “so what?” But 1% of you gets it. You get that it’s a big freakin’ deal for me to get outside of our house. And an even bigger deal to go into a store with someone other than my husband.

It’s the little things.

Back to the point.

Do you know what I did when I went shopping with my Mom? I shopped. I talked. I browsed. I did everything you’d normally do when you shop. But all that doesn’t matter. What does matter is what I didn’t do while I shopped.

I didn’t tweet. I didn’t take photos. I didn’t text. I didn’t (okay, I did a little) check my emails.

I wasn’t feeling mopey about my last two days that have royally sucked. I wasn’t wondering why my house wasn’t as pretty or as clean as someone else’s. I wasn’t comparing my clothes to those that are showcased by fashion bloggers. I wasn’t trying to find photographic moments of my life to post on my blog. I wasn’t trying to find some deeper meaning or connection with what I was doing to share here (although I am anyway so how’s that for being a rebel?)

Essentially I was there. In the moment. Enjoying it. Living it. Breathing it in.
Not wishing I was in someone else’s shoes, clothes, house, city, or career.

Do you ever think about life before you blogged?

I do. A lot.

And I think about the fact that I wasn’t nearly as hard to please back then because it wasn’t so damn easy to transport my mind into someone else’s life just long enough to resent bits and pieces of my own life. I didn’t know what hundreds of other people wore on a daily basis, or how they wanted their house to appear, or how beautiful some cities across this country are, or how successful so many people were, or how delicious their food can look, or how gorgeous their photography was.

Maybe I was sheltered, but what I didn’t know truly couldn’t hurt me.

Truth be told, I miss those days. I miss the little things. How Sunday mornings were meant for sleeping in, not catching up on blog reading. How life wasn’t lived like everything had to be documented, or inspirational, or over the top. How moments were enjoyed without a camera or the blinking cursor on how to write about it. How food didn’t have to look presentable – it just needed to taste good.

The list is endless.

And it’s no one’s fault but my own for getting caught up in a game I was destined to lose.

I want this blog to be about the life I live, the moments I get lost in, and the simple pleasures that make my life mine. What I don’t want is for this blog to be made up of moments only half enjoyed because I wasn’t fully there and was instead processing how it could be shared.

Here’s to more nights in the backyard during the warm nights doing nothing of importance. Here’s to trips to the mall with my Mom where we just catch up on life. Here’s to weekend days being spent in bed or watching movies. Here’s to food that is made to be eaten – not to be photographed. Here’s to saying yes to life and getting caught up in the moment with no regrets.

And here’s to my challenge to myself, and to you should you choose to take it. Take time out today, tomorrow, and every day after that and just do something you did before you began blogging. Don’t do it to blog about it – do it just because you want to. And if you do blog about it, great. If you don’t, that’s great too. But do it. Take five, ten, twenty, or thirty minutes – maybe even an hour or more if you can! – to just go back to the way things were for a bit. And appreciate the life you have, the person you are, and the wonderful things you do without having to document it, without having to justify it, and without having to compare it to someone else’s story.

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Filed Under: inspiration, life

How To Lose Followers {And Why I Recommend It}

May 3, 2013 by

{source}

Months ago, I hit a crossroads:

Quit my blog or change my blog.

Maybe it had to do with maturing, or business getting in the way, or maybe the politics of it all just got old. But what I was doing wasn’t working.

I posted about it, talked about it to friends, stressed over it with my husband, and strongly leaned towards quitting blogging all together. I was ready to walk away. Really ready. But then I posted about it again. And I really told myself that it was time. Time for me to find my place here, find the right words, find the right mixture for everything.

So I took that time. I cut back on posting, I spent less time on social media, I took a little longer to respond to emails, and participated in fewer blogger activities. I did everything that I needed to and wanted to do. And here is where I’m supposed to tell you that it worked out, right? That I gained more followers, and the page views grew, and my blogging life became perfect.

All wrong.

I lost followers. And I lost a lot of page views. And I missed out on opportunities because I was no longer striving for those things.

But something else happened instead.

I found joy elsewhere. My joy no longer stemmed from an increase in page views, or a sudden jump in followers, or an increase in opportunities for me to write about. It slowly crept into crevices of my life that needed to be dusted off for a long time. I started cooking again – actually using the stove and more than the microwave. I stepped outside – and didn’t feel guilty for it or that I needed to be photographing each moment. I took breaks – wasting time and not feeling like I needed to be go, go, go 24/7. I spent time playing with our dogs and relaxing with my husband – all without feeling like I was missing out on something online.

Online? I haven’t bounced back from any of those choices and honestly, I doubt I will. Blogging has shifted from being a focus of my life to a part of my full life and I am more than okay with that. In fact, I’m disappointed that I let myself think it was more than it truly is to me.

Offline though, I’m surrounded by things that build me up and give me strength. Things that help me feel balanced and whole as a person. Things that feel real, tangible, and important to my core being.

So would I recommend changing up how you blog and your entire online life, even if temporarily? Hell yes I would. If you’re guilty of doing what I was doing – chasing the wrong things, believing the wrong things, and trying to fill the shoes of the wrong person – then do it. Lose everything you don’t need to be amazing. Lose all of it. And don’t look back. Just look forward. And look at everything that you’ve given up, or missed out on, or forgot you enjoyed and embrace it. Engulf yourself in it. And then see if you want to go back to who you were or what you were doing.

You just might be surprised at how easy it is to be amazing without all of those things.


Filed Under: blogging, life

Enjoy The Silence

April 29, 2013 by

source

Last night I uttered words to Nathan that I didn’t think even fit into my vocabulary:

I’m so glad tomorrow is Monday.

Who ever even thinks that unless Monday is your day off instead of Saturday and Sunday? Crazy people, that’s who. But I’ve been counting down to this day for months. The day when all would seem normal in the world again. The day when our big projects were done and I gained some of my sanity back. Today we’re shipping out our Urban Outfitter goods and two weeks ago we finished up our products for the Cannes Film Festival. Both of which consumed our past few months, making us wonder if we’d ever be able to keep up with the business or our personal lives again.

It’s crazy how much you can lose yourself in big projects or life events without even knowing it. I took it all on as the new normal and never once realized how different I thought, acted, or felt while we had so much on our plates. It never occurred to me that things would be so different when we were done with them. That I wouldn’t feel that overwhelmed, or that I would be able to make time for the books I’ve been wanting to read, or that we wouldn’t always feel like we’re behind on something when it came to the business.

Yet I’m only one day in and I already feel all of that stress slipping away.

I’m also only one day into the cleanse and I’m pretty stoked for it. I was so nervous about it last week that I almost talked myself out of it, justifying it by saying I was too busy. Ridiculous, right? Instead I decided to have cleanse friendly meals nearly all weekend and kind of fell in love with it to the point that I’m already planning for how my diet will change after the cleanse. The cleanse is basically a stricter version of a whole foods diet for two weeks and then easing back into certain foods that are common food allergies. It almost feels like I’m not trying. Like it’s too easy and I’m doing something wrong. Any change in my diet that feels like that is pretty much a winner in my book. Bonus points: We made fried rice over the weekend that was cleanse friendly and it is the only fried rice we have ever made that I’ve liked. SO good!

So this week I’m taking it easy on my body. Less stress, better food, and more down time. It’s long overdue so I’m excited.

How was your weekend? Any exciting plans this week?


Filed Under: Gnarly Whale Shop, life, The Conscious Cleanse

The Conscious Cleanse: Part 1

April 26, 2013 by

New JPG copy

Monday marks the first day of my two week cleanse and I’m super excited, but also really nervous at the same time. I’ve been looking into doing a cleanse for months - I just never found one that really felt like it was the right one for me. Maybe I wasn’t ready, or maybe I truly didn’t find one that was the right fit – I’m not sure.

But when I came across the Conscious Cleanse, I kind of felt like I had that AHA! moment where everything clicked and it didn’t matter how nervous I was about it – I was going to make it happen.

I felt like the Conscious Cleanse was the first cleanse I’ve read about where everything made sense, didn’t feel like a crazy diet, and left me feeling more informed (and almost more in-tune with my body even after learning about the premise of the whole two weeks.) It basically revolves around eating clean, whole foods that are easy to digest and taking time to change how we think about food. It’s not about calorie counting or restricting the amount of food you can have – it’s more so about eating what you need for energy and not eating what you’re craving, when you’re bored, or when you’re stressed.

So pretty much everything I do now is something I won’t be doing for the next two weeks.

It’s somewhat nerve-wracking for me because food really is something more to me right now. Stressful day? Indulgence time. Celebrating tonight? Break out the cake. Long hours? Hello fast food. In a hurry? Most likely skipping a meal. I don’t treat food as energy or nourishment for my body – I treat it more like an outcome of my emotions or the type of day I’m having. And it’s lead to some extra pounds that are sitting on my waistline just waiting to disappear.

Luckily Nathan was sweet enough to do it with me so I’ll at least have him with me, helping when I just want to devour a piece of a chocolate.

Have you done a cleanse before? Any tips or recommendations?


Filed Under: food, life, The Conscious Cleanse

Letting Go

April 17, 2013 by

Letting Go

source

Maybe it’s just me, but whenever I set my mind to something – my life responds by putting on the blinders and leaving me to follow the path even if it no longer suits me. I forget to smell the roses and never stop to think “What if I’ve changed? What if this journey isn’t the right one for me anymore?”

Sometimes it is the right journey for me and I’m none the wiser. I don’t have to think about what I did to get there because it just feels right so it was worth it. And yet sometimes it isn’t the right journey for me and I’m left asking “Is this it?”

Florida weighed heavy on me.

Heavy on our family.

Heavy on our business.

The cost. The time. The requirements. It tugged at me every day, saying “this isn’t what it was supposed to be.” I wasn’t supposed to be stressed out. I wasn’t supposed to be crying to my husband and we weren’t supposed to be fighting over this. I wasn’t supposed to be trying to weigh the outcome of closing the business versus moving across the country.

But Florida was the end goal for years now. I was running my longest marathon, thinking I could see the finish line every so often but it was just another corner to turn. But I was so focused on that destination that I was blind to every mile marker and alternative routes along the way. I just knew I had to get there, no matter what obstacle I overcame.

Even if that obstacle was my own internal self, stepping out into oncoming traffic and screaming for me to put on the breaks – even if temporarily.

I finally broke a few weeks ago.

I remember telling him I wasn’t ready as I cried ugly tears, hoping he wasn’t going to be disappointed. That moving wasn’t worth it if it was going to cause me to feel like this. That I hated the wedge it had already driven between us, and our lifestyle, and our business. That I’d give everything up to go back to how things used to be where we had conversations about every day things and time off and weren’t always trying to weight everything against an unknown move date.

He understood long before the words came out because he felt it too. And he agreed, knowing that no matter where this finish line was, we weren’t ready to get there just yet.

This isn’t me giving up. This isn’t the end of that dream. This is us realizing that we’re not ready for that dream to come true.

And that’s okay.

We may be ready in three months. Or maybe six months. Or maybe a year. Or maybe five years. Or maybe that dream will transform into something else entirely by the time we’re ready to make it happen and it will just be a part of the journey, but not the final destination.

I have no idea when we’ll be ready to jump back into it and I’m okay with that. Because that means I get to enjoy the now. I get to be present. I get to live intentionally in this very moment.

And that sounds like it’s a pretty good life to me.


Filed Under: life, Operation Florida

On Positivity

April 15, 2013 by

source

I think Mondays could always use a bit of a pick me up.

I rarely look forward to them and they usually involve some of my crabbiest moods and unproductive days. It’s crazy to think I’d ever really love Mondays until I’m a millionaire and days don’t matter (fingers crossed that actually happens) – but I don’t think it’s too much to ask for to not loathe them. Is it? Maybe.

But today I’m trying to put my best foot forward because the last two and a half weeks of April are going to be insane. A good kind of insane because when it’s all over and we get all of our orders out by the end of the month, I have two crazy exciting things that I finally get to share with you guys about The Gnarly Whale. And I’m pretty much bursting at the seems to shout the good news from the rooftops. And if you haven’t voted for us yet, please do! And please keep voting every day and share the link with your friends. We’d really appreciate it!

And in case you didn’t see it over the weekend, this launched:

Here’s what they had to say about what they’re doing: With so much negativity online and offline, why not have a space to celebrate each other? “Bloggers Anonymous” is meant for exactly that. A place to build each other up against the critics that want to bring us down.

Sweet, right? I don’t know who they are, but I love their message and it instantly put me in a better mood when I saw it. Not only do I love the idea, but I think it’s a great way to find new blogs to read. Head on over there and submit your compliments – you’re pretty much guaranteed to make someone’s day by doing so.

Happy Monday everyone!
I hope today is filled with lots of love and happiness or something equally as good :)


Filed Under: blogging, life

Sleepless Nights, Gnarly Days

March 25, 2013 by

Happy Monday!

I stayed up for almost 40 hours straight between Saturday and Sunday. When I was younger and that happened, it was intentional and because something awesome was going on. It was always fueled by excessive gas station cappucinos, caffeine and greasy diner food topped off with early morning donut deliciousness without a care in the world. I’d go to bed after the crack of dawn and sleep past noon, blissfully wasting my days away.

Now staying up for more than 17 hours usually means I rolled around in bed for an hour or two and then decided I was tired of trying to get blankets and room on the bed from Nathan, our two dogs, and cat. And then I decide to work because it’s the only thing I feel like I can do quietly. And then right around my usual wake up time, I’m nodding off as I stare at the screen and ready to crawl back into bed, but the dogs are up and ready to play and our cat is attacking rugs while death meowing. And I quickly realize sleep will have to wait.

Growing up really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

But I did get a ton done on Saturday which is a bonus. Lots of new Gnarly Whale products being worked on, including a mud mask, cleanser and moisturizer that I can personally attest to because my face feels freakin’ amazing after all the testing. I’m super excited to finalize these products and get them into the shop.

Speaking of the Gnarly Whale - Our Gnarly Whale blog got a MAJOR facelift this weekend!

New Blog Look

Hop over and check it out if you’d like to see the new look, haven’t been to our blog before, or if you like free stuff. Hint hint. Check out the latest post to score some free lip balm with orders placed today!

If you’re looking for some things to read today, might I recommend:

  • The Not Knowing Path of Being an Entrepreneur – Entrepreneur or not, this is such a good post and reminder. I’d say more, but the post is so good that I think you should just go read it and find out for yourself.
  • FTC Dot Com Disclosures – I have yet to read this (I know, tsk tsk) BUT… I know I should. And if you want to make sure that you’re abiding by the newly released FTC disclosure guidelines – I’d suggest sitting down with a nice cup of tea (or maybe wine might be better for this) and get through the 21 pages.
  • 30 Ways You Should Always BE – I know Mondays suck, but if we all just took some time and even applied half of these things to our core on the dreaded first day of the week – I bet it wouldn’t be so bad. That’s my goal today.

Make today a good day!
It is the first day of the rest of your life, after all. ;)


Filed Under: Gnarly Whale Shop, life

Five Facts

March 22, 2013 by
moriza / People Photos / CC BY

Today I thought I’d share some fun facts about me by linking up with Megan

1. At my last corporate job, we had to sit through a safety meeting about driving (it was a trucking company.) The safety coordinator told us a story about a driver who was in a rush to get home for Christmas after working too many hours and ended up killing a family on Christmas Eve due to inattentive driving. I have never talked on my phone or texted while driving since then.

2. I used to run track and also played basketball in middle school. Once I went to high school, I decided I was too cool for sports and never did any of them again. To this day, I still regret walking away from track because the pain was always worth it then. Now I only live a couple of blocks from where I used to run and think about picking it up again whenever we drive by it.

3. I’ve only had one relationship where I didn’t first “meet” the person online. Everyone else I met online through chat rooms (back when AOL was around) or an online profile (ie Myspace) where it was usually a friend of a friend. I spent most of my time at home and was rather shy in public so the Internet was the only place where I found I could mostly be myself. My husband is the only person I met through an online dating website though.

4. I used to play the clarinet when I was in high school and was teased for it all the time. It led to me walking away from band, too. A few years after I graduated, I purchased a guitar and somewhat learned how to play then life got in the way. I still have the guitar and am determined to some day learn how to fully play.

5. I hate my feet. I think they’re too big and my toes are too weird. Yet I hate wearing socks or shoes so they’re almost always out in the open, even in the middle of Winter.

Happy Friday!
Share your fun facts in the comments or go link up with Megan and see how weird everyone else is ;)

Any fun plans for the weekend?


Filed Under: life

When Blogging Lost It’s Magic

March 14, 2013 by

Two+ years ago I told myself that blogging should always be fun for me. It should be a hobby, not driven by greed or popularity or money. It should always be a place for me to be open and honest. A place where I can connect with others. A place that was fueled by want and not overwhelming, unsatisfying needs.

And instead of sticking to this rule of mine, I was overcome by the idea of fame. Being a “big” blogger” and striving for more page-views, more followers, and more of everything that, well, didn’t matter. Sure, sometimes I took back what I wanted in the first place and pushed those thoughts aside, but it was only temporary. The need for success overcame my will to stick to the one rule I should have stuck to when it came to blogging.

As I sat here earlier in the week, doing anything I could to help Nathan feel better as he made his way through the aches and pains of the flu, it hit me.

magic

Blogging has lost it’s magic for me. Completely. And it’s not because of anything in the blogging community other than my own personal role in it. When I first started blogging, I knew nothing about reviews. Or giveaways. Or page-views. Or social media. Or anything outside of how to type up a post, hit publish and see that my words made it into a very public space. And maybe that’s where the magic was kept. Maybe by knowing so little, my goals and intentions were fueled by pure innocence rather than the greed that later consumed me. Because once I found the knowledge, I wanted more. I needed more.

So I went after it. I paid for advertising when it wasn’t beneficial for me. I offered advertising when it wasn’t beneficial for others. I held giveaways to increase the numbers and I watched my followers, my page-views, and my comments like online life depended on it. And at times, it truly felt like it did. I posted about popular things that I had little interest in writing about. I reviewed things that had no real impact in my life. I did a lot of things I’m not proud of, but I have no regrets because all of those moves made me realize what I didn’t want out of my online life. And more often than not, knowing what I don’t want is more beneficial than knowing what I want.

I did all of this because I thought that the role of a Blogger was monumental. But it isn’t. At least not for me.

Because now? My blog isn’t even a tiny percent of what I wanted it to be now. And it’s not aiding to a better well-being for me. The struggle for content. The lack of deep, meaningful and personal connections from it. The standards for posting that I’ve set for myself. The amount of time and effort put forth for little reward. None of it is what I asked for.

So when all of this was racing through my mind, my answer was to quit. Or at minimum take a break. A long, extended break. Leave behind the disastrous mess I made and wipe my hands clean of it. It sounded SO easy. It seemed like the perfect answer. But it made me feel like a quitter.

quitting

Like I was walking away from something I created just because I made a few, okay a lot, of mistakes along the way. But I’m not known for that – nor do I want to be. I’m not known for checking out when things get tough. I’m known for checking back in and pushing through until everything feels right again. And I don’t want this time to be any different.

So instead, I’m taking my blog back. Taking myself back. And all that it really means is something fairly simple: That this will become the place it was meant to be – a place for me to share my story and connect with others. A place for me to document my journey as an entrepreneur, as a studying Buddhist, as a foodie, as a dreamer. A place for me to share my story about my marriage, our plans to follow our dreams both in our careers and in our home, and eventually as parents. A place that I feel comfortable in with no pressures and instead simple understanding.

To do that, I’m getting rid of sponsors. Scaling back on the reviews and the giveaways. Cutting down on posts that are written “just because.” Preparing myself to say no when opportunities aren’t the right fit for me or this blog. Spending less time on social media and in my inbox. Knowing full well that by doing this, I may lose things I was striving for before. But I’m okay with that. For one simple reason.

bloglife

And my hope is that this blog – by doing all of this – will be filled with positivity, creativity, generosity, and a well-crafted story about a girl with a dream to leave an impact on the world.


Filed Under: blogging, life
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